- Hello? - Hello.
- Who are you calling? - Who am I speaking to?
- Wrong number. - Who was that?
- Oh, nobody. - Did you pick a movie?
- Yeah, we re gonna go scary: Saw IV. - Oh, I saw that in theaters. It sucks.
It's not scary, it's gross. I hate all that torture porn shit.
Why, angry feel.
Well, I like Jigsaw. I think he kills people very creatively.
But she don't give a shit who dies...
...cos there's no character to fill a man.
It's just body parts whipping and blood spewing.
- Who you keep texting? - I have a Facebook stalker.
He keeps leaving me messages.
- Nah, like what? - Just stuff like: Hey, what's up?
You are hot. I want to kill you...
- Well, delete him. - I did it, but he hacked its way back in.
- Or report him. - He is really hot, tho. You wanna see?
- That's Channing Tatum. - It is not. Is it?
Yeah, from his Abercrombie days. You were being punk'd.
- Hello? - Who is this?
The more impatient version of the person you just spoke to.
I am sorry. You don't have to be a bitch about it.
Of course I don't. Eat me.
You hang up on me and I cut thru your neck until I feel bone!
- Who is it? - It's for you.
- Hello? - Who is this?
It's Trudie. Who's this?
This is the last person you ever gonna see alive.
- It's a prank. Hang up. - Why did you give the phone to me?
- You are the one with a stalker. - Are the doors locked?
Don't freak out.
Let it ring.
It's from stalker boy. He said "Answer the phone".
For God's sake, it's a joke Trudie. It's probably Lexie or Karen.
- Where are you going? - To make sure the front door is locked.
- No, don't open it. - You're overreacting.
It's a joke, Trudie, ok? Someone made a...
dummy profile. They re just trying to scare you.
Wait. Who is it?
I said, who is it? Let's call the cops.
"I dare you to open the door." No, Sherri, don't. No, don't, I'm scared.
It could be anyone that we know. Lisa, Bailey, Wayne.
Or the hoped-for long shot, Channing Tatum.
There is nobody out here.
What is it say?
It says "I'm not outside, I am right beside you. "
Trudie!
- Fucking kidding me? - What?
That was so fucking stupid. Pure horse shit.
The death of horror right here in front of us!
I jumped. It scared me.
A fucking Facebook killer? You re kidding me right?
I guess now it would be Twitter. That'd make more sense.
Under articulate teens sit around and deconstruct horror movies
until Ghostface kills them one by one.
It's been done to death. The whole self-aware post-modern meta-shit.
Stick a fork in 1996 already.
I like the Stab movies. They are scarier.
It's not aliens or zombies or little Asian ghost girls.
There is something real about a guy with a knife who just ... snaps.
- It can really happen. - I can't do it.
These people don't know when to stop.
They just keep recycling the same shit.
Even the opening scene, there is always some random girl
who gets a call that undoubtedly ends up getting her killed.
It's all so predictable. There's no element of surprise.
You can see everything coming.
Did that surprise you?
- Why? - Because you talk too much.
Now shut the fuck up and watch the movie.
Oh my God. I love it.
I've seen it five times, and it still gets me every time.
- You re kidding? I don't get it. - Ok, it's like the Twilight Zone.
- Twilight zone... - A movie within a movie.
I get that. But it's illogical..
It begs the question that if th beginning of Stab 7 is Stab 6
then it's the beginning of Stab 6 Stab 5?
And if so, what is Stab 4 about?
- You re over thinking it. - Am I or did you ever make it,
just under think it, there's a reason i don't watch these movies?
I can't believe you haven't seen them. We live in Woodsboro.
It has nothing to do with Woodsboro.
I thought you said Stab was based on true stories.
The first three, the original trilogy is based off of Sidney Prescott.
But then she threatened to sue em if they used the true story
so they just started making stuff up.
Stab 5 has time travel, which is by far the worst.
And don't you have enough about this story every year?
At least Woodsboro is known for something.
Did you hear that?
Uh, no, I didn't hear anything.
I did.
Jenny, don't try to scare me.
I am not trying to scare you.
You do it all the time.
No, I don't.
Where are you going?
I told you, I heard something.
I know you re trying to scare me.
I am not.
What is it?
I must have left the window in my room open.
- Could you get that? Marnie? - Yeah.
- Hello? - Hello. Who is this?
Marnie. Who is this?
This is the last person you ever gonna see alive.
What?
- I am sorry. I had to. - You bitch!
- So not funny. - Somebody falls for it every year.
- I don't see why you get off on this shi.... - Marnie?
Marnie? Marnie?!?
Good one, Marnie. Lights out, phone on the floor.
You know, you really should direct horror films.
Wherever you are...
Lemme guess. You want me to walk by an open door frame
so you can pop out, huh?
Ok. Timing, timing is perfect. But you don't have the app on your phone,
so you can't talk like Ghostface.
- Can you? - Yes, I can.
- Who is this? - Not an app.
- Is this Trevor? - Do I sound like a Trevor to you?
Think of me as your director. You re in my movie.
You got a fun part so don't blow it.
- What movie? - Same one Marnie's in,
only her part got cut way back.
But you, you re dumb blond with the big tits.
We'll have some fun with you before you die.
I have a 4.0 GPA (Grade Point Average) and 135 IQ asshole.
What did you do with Marnie?
- She's on the cutting room floor. -That's not funny.
This isn't a comedy, it's a horror film. People live, people die.
And you'd better start running.
Marnie?
- What do you think? - Well, I guess today's the anniversary.
- Kids... - No, I meant the display.
- It's good. - Told the owner I'd kill his cat if you didn't get a ring.
Nice...
- Woah, 25 to stay alive! - Shit! Sorry Sheriff!
Kirby...
Ehi, before you get in the car, you have to promise not to kill me.
Why? What did you do?
Trevor called me last night.
Why is he calling you?
Because you won't take his calls,
he knows I have your ear and he wants to know.
- Know what? - How upset you are.
- Can we just not talk about this? - Fine, fine.
So, Trevor called me last night.
He called you too?
He's afraid your cousin coming to Woodsboro is distracting
you from knowing how sorry he really is.
- Well, that's inventive. - God...
Oh, by the way, have you seen the Grim Reaper? Angel of Death?
What are you talking about?
Your cousin. Last stop in a book tour, first stop in a road to a new life.
It's very dramatic. She's the reason why I love horror movies.
I'm sure she'd love to hear that. If I knew her which, I don't really.
Well, wherever she went, peple died. Other people. It was never her.
I mean, Stab is the wrong franchise for her, it should be Final Destination.
And why is Jenny Randall calling me?
- I cannot stand Jenny Randall... - Hello?
- Oh, Jill... - Why?
- Shh...Jenny, is this you?
What's your favorite scary movie?
- Ok, who is this? - What does she want?
- I said, who is this? - I asked you a question.
What's your favorite scary movie?
I'm hanging up.
Wow, that was original.
I got a call like that this morning from Marnie the Carnie.
- What? - Watch out!
- Nice proof asshole! - Ok...
- You should really stop at sign. - Sorry...
Angel of Death.
- Mayor wants these down before lunch. - Only 25 more to go.
- Morning Sheriff. - Morning Deputy. Joe.
Morning Sheriff.
- Looks like the celebration's begun. - High School kids probably.
Yeah. One generation's tragedy is the next one's joke.
Sorry you can never get away from this.
You know, I wish I had been old enough to be part of the Forest
when you were solving those crimes.
It's those intense investigations that really bond relationships.
- Yeah. - How's Gale by the way?
Gale's good. She's writing...fiction.
Hey I made some lemon squares, they're in my car.
Thanks Deputy, but no, thanks.
Sheriff, you're not cheating on your wife if you eat my lemon square.
Yeah, but I would be cheating on the diet.
Sheriff Riley! Come in! Sheriff Riley!
This is Sheriff Riley, go ahead.
You gotta get over to the Randall house right away. It's bad Sheriff, real bad.
The book is "Out of Darkness" and its author Sidney Prescott
is here with us today.
Have the 7 Stab movies all based on Gale Weathers' books about you
made it even harder to go on?
I don't blame Gale, that's in the past.
Now if I was a victim for too long, it was up to me to reinvent myself.
That's why I wrote this book.
Sidney Prescott, everybody. And rave reviews for her book, "Out of Darkness".
Allright Gale, let's do it. Let's reinvent myself.
Except, I have no fucking idea what to write!
- How's that new? - That's the 2.0 upgrade version.
I am totally mobile, man.
Nice.
Ouh, this is Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer,
here with the luscious Olivia "Don't look at my tits, I have a mind" Morris.
Here is my Woodsboro masquerade anniversary question:
What is your favorite scary movie?
Is that all you got? Some stupid douche question?
Yeah, where did you hear that anyway?
It's a line from Stab 1. Hey Charlie.
You re a genre nut Kirby, what's your favorite scary movie?
Bambi.
- Dork. - What?
That's...funny, Kirby.
- Completely unaware you exist. - No, man, she wants me.
Yeah, I wish, right? Asshole.
I think Charlie likes you.
And I like him. To tease, to torment, to make him squirm.
You could do a lot worse, trust me.
Oh, hi Trevor. Bye Trevor.
Can we talk? Somebody cares about you over here you know?
Someone who made you really happy once.
Someone who never should have let you go.
When you re done with a phone call, you let someone go...
When you take someone to the airport, you let them go...
When you tell someone you love her, and she gives you everything,
and then you go out with someone else...
that is not letting her go, that is dumping her. Ok? That's betrayal.
Trevor Sheldon denied live on Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer.
What is your favorite scary movie, man?
I'll show you.
Now I began to believe myself that that was all I was, a victim.
And that was unacceptable to me...
So, I sat down and began to write a new role that would be my own.
A role for a woman who could leave the walls of fear behind
and step out into the sunlight.
Out of Darkness.
Thank you.
Ok, we re gonna start the book signing in a sec, so buy your copies while they last.
- May you ladies. - New York Times best seller. Rave reviews...
- Gale...I am glad you came. - Congratulations, Sidney.
I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but...
Well, you can get one.
- Dewey! Ehi! - Hey, Sidney. Gale, you made it.
What's going on Dewey?
Hey, Sid, I am sorry. I gotta do something...I am really sorry.
Excuse me. This will only take a minute.
I need you all to stay where you are and remain silent.
Nobody leaves, you heard the Sheriff, thanks you.
Can't this wait 45, I am running an event here.
M'am this is a police event now.
- What's going on? - Gale, this is police business.
If you could just let us handle this.
I am talking to my husband, Deputy Judy.
Listen.
There's a phone we believe may have been taken from the scene of a crime.
Deputy Hicks has traced its location back to these coordinates.
- The rest is "need to know". - And I am not "need to know"?
Shhhh.
Sheriff! Ringing out here!
There.
- It's coming from the trunk - Yeah.
- Dewey... - They need everyone to stay back.
- Not now, Sid. - It's my rental.
- Damn. - It's now official crime scene. Let's lock it down.
- Crime scene. - Detach him right out of here. Everybody back.
- Give me that camera. - Stand back.
- Please tell me this is a prank, Dewey. - I am afraid not, Sid. Come on.
Amber, you re not gonna believe this...
- Stand back, Gale. Gale. - Just wanna see.
Ok, essays are due Tuesday, "Why Woodsboro is the best..."
Anything with an on-off swith should be off, that's the rule.
Somebody wanna share?
Jenny Randall and Marnie Cooper were murdered last night. - What?
- What? - Stabbed to death.
- What's your favorite scary movie? - Shut up!
Y'all Tuesday, class is not hold then - That was fast.
This week marks the anniversary of the infamous Woodsboro murders.
Two girls killed the exact day local celebrity victim
Sidney Prescott chose to return to her hometown.
It could be something right out of a Gale Weathers' best seller.
And where is she now?
Well, living right here in Woodsboro, cos she's the wife of Sheriff Dewey Riley
- Mrs Riley - Hoss.
- First Lady. - Perkins.
Excuse me, Gale. He's conducting an interview.
- Great! I love interviews. - You have to wait, Gale. Sorry,
can't let you in there.
What are you gonna do? Arrest me, Deputy Judy?
If it comes to it. Civilian interference with a police investigation
poses many a problem in a court of law.
Ok. Listen to me Judy. I don't mind that you re working with my hudband.
Or that you re even baking those little treats, as you do
But if you re gonna start acting like him,
- you gotta put a mustache on, cos you sound ridiculous - Gale.
- Judy. - Gale!
Deputy. Gale. Calm please.
Uh, Sidney, if you don't mind giving us a minute.
- Sid. - Hi, Gale.
Dewey, would you please explain to Betty Crocker
that I have every right to be here?
If there's been another murder in Woodsboro obviusly....
- That is not public information. - It is all over the Internet, Dewey.
- It is? - Yes, the whole world knows about it
before me.
She wants to be a part of the investigation, Sheriff.
Ok. Hang on. Uhm, are you familiar with the phrase "I wrote a book on this" ?
Gale, with all due respect, I don't see how that pertains to...
Because I wrote the book on this.
"The Woodsboro murders" by Gale Weathers. - But you re not a reporter anymore, Gale.
- Woh, woh,woh.. - And even if you were...
Woh. Don't treat me like I'm the media.
I helped solve these things. 3 times, remember?
You and me, together.
- But I am the Sheriff now, Gale. - Right?
What, you re not gonna help you with this?
I can't.
Allright then, I am going rogue. This is what I am good at, Dewey.
This is what I know how to do.
Your lemon squares taste like ass.
- They don't. They really don't. - Thank you, Sir.
- Sheriff. - Yeah?
We got a couple high school kids in here.
Two of em, they say they got threatening phone calls this morning
from the victims' phones.
- Names are Olivia Morris and Jill Roberts. - That's Sid's cousin. Damn.
- Right in here, Sheriff. - Hey, Jill.
- Sidney. Hi. - Hi.
It's nice to see you, even under the circumstances.
- You ok? - Yeah.
So two of you got phone calls?
Yeah, us two. "What's your favorite scary movie?".
It was the killer's voice. From Stab. From, I mean you know, from your life.
I am Kirby, by the way. I am their friend.
- And the killer didn't call you? - No.
This is..this is a bad thing?
Does that mean that I am not gonna live as long as these two?
No...Maybe. Of course not. Just...just be careful.
Oh my God, did you hear that? I am gonna be next!
Dewey, I shouldn't be here. I should leave town.
I am afraid that's not really possible, Sidney.
Look, nobody thinks you re involved but everyone's a suspect. I am sorry.
And there was evidence in your car connecting the killer to you.
You may be a material witness.
So, you know, you ll have 24 hours police surveillance.
That's comforting.
It's Rebecca. Oh my fucking God, Henry. Yes! Its true. Two girls butchered. Pay day.
I was so not feeling Woodsboro. Was like lame PR, am I right?
Well, fuck me wow! Best idea ever.
Henry, I ll call you back.
Excuse me. I have to geek out. I hadn't got a chance to say something earlier,
but it's suck an honor to meet you.
- Thank you. - Rebecca Walters.
- Hi. - When I was a kid it was all about..
top story with Gale Weathers.
- You were my 90s! - Well, it's Gale Riley now.
You gave it all for love, I know that. How long have you and Dewey been married?
- Ten years. - Oh, just like your characters in Stab 3. Wow!
Wow...
I didn't mean "bad wow", it's just, it always seemed like more of a horror movie
romance than a real one because it was a movie, and in real life it should never be.
Uh, dug a hole. Climbing out, here. So anyway,
Kudos on being brave enough to drop off the professional map.
Any plans on revitalizing your tarnished brand
Listen, in about 2 seconds I am gonna revitalize your face...
with my tarnished brand.
I still got it.
Uhm, tasty.
She's so pretty. When you think about what she survived.
- She must have scars everywhere. - Shhhh, Come on.
Her mom is my sister. I have scars too. None ever asks me about my scars.
- I am sorry Mrs Roberts. - She means nice scars, mom.
Oh, well. Fine.
- How are you? How's Gale? - I am alright. But Gale,
it's been hard on her. Small town.
Small town husband. Not much to write about.
You two ok?
Well, i read somewhere once "Just when you think things can't get any worse,
...sometimes they don't... Sometimes, they get better."
Out of Darkness by Sidney Prescott, page 220.
Gotta get going.
It's nice to see you, Dewey. Been thru a lot together.
We'll get thru this too, ok?
I'll go.
Be good. It's ok. Relax, relax. It's just me.
What the hell are you doing here? There are cops right out front.
No match for the ninja, baby.
Anyway, what are you doing in the house of Sidney Prescott?
I mean, that's like being on Top Chef with Jeffrey Dahmer.
Can you please get away from the window?
You've no right to be in here. Not anymore.
Hang on. I heard you got a phone call from the killer. Is that true?
And you care?
Don't you think it'd be a lot safer with me around?
I don't trust you, Trevor.
Hey. I am just gonna have to make sure that you do. Alright?
Oh, sorry, I didn't... - No, he's just leaving. Its...it's my ex.
- Oh. - Yeah, the one and only.
- Hi. - Hi.
It's cool to meet you...officially.
I keep meaning to pick up a copy of your book, but...
You are smaller in person.
- What?
Nothing, you just, ehm, you remind me of, me.
- Lock your window, ok? - Yeah, goodnight.
Night.
Sorry about that.
- Just making my rounds before taking off. - Great, thanks.
- You don't remember me, do you? - Sorry?
We went to High School together. Judy Hicks?
We had the same Homeroom in. Drama club too.
We were in Peter Pan together. I played a Lost Boy.
- You were... Tiger Lily. - I am sorry, it was a long time ago.
It's ok, ehm. You had a lot of stuff going on back then.
Well, it's nice to see you again, Judy. - You too.
- Everything ok upstairs? - You re supposed to be out front, Perkins.
- 4 letter word for...courage? - Uh, guts.
It's Olivia Morris, she lives next door. She's on the list.
She can live next door to me.
Now seriously, ehm, Mary I am warning you, ok?
I am gonna have to get physical. I mean it. This is it! Just fuck off!
- Hello? - What are you guys up to?
Uhm, we re watching Shaun of the Dead.
You know there's two zombies sitting outside your house in a car?
Yeah, they are cops. You wanna come up?
Angel of Death leave?
- No, she's in the guest room. - Forget it. Next door is close enough.
Your mom home?
She's at her boyfriend's. It's creepier in here tonight.
No, the zombies are still in their car, so you should be alright.
- Call me tomorrow, ok? - Right.
- She wanna come up? - She fears the Reaper.
Watch this.
- Who's speaking? - What's your favorite scary movie, Olivia?
It's the worst imitation I've ever heard, Jill.
Speaking of Stab, you heard where the Stab- a- thon's gonna be at?
No. It doesn't matter to me anyways, mom doesn't let me go.
- It's Trevor, I'll handle this. - Trevor is calling...again.
-What do you want? - I wanna talk to Jill.
Uhm, no it's Kirby. Sorry, Trevor,
Jill is screening her calls from all past relationships.
-What's going on over there? - Hang on one sec. What is he saying?
- I am not Trevor. - W-What? I can barely hear you, Trevor.
This isn't Trevor.
Oh, oh, alright. Then why do you have his phone?
Whoever this is. He's trying to do Ghostface.
He's being weird.
- I wanna talk to Jill. - Ok, well, she doesn't want to talk to you.
Come on, Mr Ghostface, whisper to me.
Aren't you supposed to ask me a question?
- Alright. How's the movie? - What movie?
- Shaun of the Dead. - How did you know that?
- Because I'm standing in the closet. - Stop, you're not.
- What's going on? - Trevor is being weird.
- I mean, if it is him, I dunno. - What?
- This is not fucking Trevor! - Well, then who the fuck are you?
Open the closet door.
<>You do know there are cops allover this house?
I think that I have just enough time to slice someone open.
- I'll talk to him. - Shhhhhh.
- What's going on over there, you guys?
- Sorry, I dunno. Kirby? - Shhhhhh.
- Kirby. - Come on, do it.
- There is no way you re in there. - See for yourself.
Kirby? Kirby, come on, talk to me. This isn't funny! Kirby!
- Liar. I am over this. - I never said I was in your closet.
Oh my God!
- Olivia! - Oh my God!
Help, in my house!
No!
No. No!
- Hoss! - Olivia!
Perkins!
Shit.
- What?
<>Welcome home Sidney. Preview of coming events.
Why don't you come for me? You got the balls for that?
<>Oh, poor Sidney. You think this is all about you?
- You think you're still the star. - This isn't a fucking movie!
- It will be. - These are innocent people.
Spare me the lecture! You've done very well by all this blood shed,
<> haven't you? How about the town you left behind?
I ve got plans for you.
<>I am gonna slit your eyelids in half
so you don't blink when I stab you in the face.
You'll die when I want you to, Sidney.
Not a moment before. Until then, you re going to suffer.
- Sidney! - Jill? Stay right there.
- Is she... - Do not look, ok?
- She said you were the Angel of Death. - Look out!
- Come look. Look over there. - He's in here.
- Where is he? - He was...
- What's your status? - Jill?
Don't.
What happened? Oh my God, Jill.
Jesus. Your hon, 'Vis. Baby, baby. Come here. Come on,
let's go, let's go. Let's get care of you, right?
- Jill? Oh my God. Are you ok? - Give me a hand.
- Keep your pressure on it. - There's somebody back there.
- Call it in. - Right.
- Hey, are you ok? - You should look upstairs.
Let's get the corners and rub around these.
Thought this was over!
It's all your fault, Sidney.
Just like her mother!
I am sorry of what I said.
- Shouldn't you get that looked at? - Yeah.
What the hell happened?
- Ok, I saw him going to that yard, two houses down, right before.
- And I circled around to cut him off. - And...?
And I met Hoss coming from the other direction.
No, he must have circled back around somehow.
He's like a ghost.
- Chief, we're sorry. - We feel terrible.
Alright. Get outta here.
This is Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer webcasting live in our darkest hour.
What began as a day of remembrance, has ended with a serial murder.
Olivia Morris, who officially would never go out with me, is dead.
So is Jenny Randall and Marnie Cooper.
Our local legacy, the Stab movies, is coming to life.
Excuse me, are you recording with that thing?
- My video blog upload. He's webcasting right now.
Mind turning it off? A little old school, off the record?
Can't. Owe it to my audience.
- Turn the fucking thing off. - Ok...
So, you two are the boys who run the movie club at Woodsboro High, huh?
Oh, Charlie rents it. I'm just VP, in case he takes a bullet.
It's called Cinema Club.
So you must have a very unique insight into the movie buffs at your school?
Maybe.
What if we could catch the killer, by working together?
Two generations of cutting edge journalists intertwining our passions for media.
- What would you say? - I love you?
Very good. Now, you give me your expertise on the gore geek scene at Woodsboro High
...and maybe I give you something in return
Say, a celebrity visit to your Cinema Club...by me?
- What about Sidney? - What about Sidney?
Hey, you know her, right? I am you're friends with her?
No offense but, that'd be a big deal for some of the club.
A visit from Sidney Prescott, I mean, she's the star.
Uh, yes she's Daniel Radcliffe to my J.K. Rowling.
When was the bookshelf in the box office?
Never.
There's no broken bones. I think you'll be fine. Maybe just take a couple weeks off.
So, Sidney...Uh, ouh. Anyway, long story short
Random wants to lock you into 3 more books, now.
See the blank line in your contract? You can name your phrase.
And as soon as you re clear in this investigation,
we re on the next plane to New York.
I booked Today, The View, Nancy Grace, MTV News.
Excuse me, can I...can I ask you a question?
- Did you read my book? - Thought I'd wait for the movie.
- Book tour is over. - Sidney.
Accept your situation. You re a victim, for life. So, embrace it, use it.
I know you care about your readers. All those little down-trodden fucks
...that just need a light at the end of their tunnels so they don't jump off a bridge
And a lucky break like this? I am talking a 100percent increase in sales, minimum.
That's maybe a million more people getting your message
...and you get a ton more checks. Win-win.
- I won't be needing you anymore. - Sidney!
- You re fired. - Fired?
- Fired! - Fine.
"What do you think about my book, Rebecca?"
The problem of Sidney is she never gets laid.
Or even a little shit faced once in a while.
She'll call me at 9 to apologize. Just watch.
She'll come around. Gotta just give her time. Sidney will come....around.
- This is Rebecca. - Sidney Prescott, please.
I am handling Ms Prescott's calls and appearances. May I take a message?
You are the message.
<>- Are you writing this down? - Yes, I am...
But, it's kinda hard to hear you. I'm in a hospital, with Sidney.
If you can just hang on one second.
I've got time. It's you that doesn't.
You know, Rebecca, it doesn't sound to me like you re in the hospital.
Sounds like you re in a parking garage. A dark and deserted parking garage.
But if you wanna be in the hospital, I'd be happy to put you there. In the morgue!
Help! Help! Save me!
Cut and run, you fucking bastard.
This is an ongoing investigation.
But rest assured, we are pursuing a number of leads.
-Sheriff - The less I say about that, the better.
So, I'm taking questions.
- Dewey! - Gale?
Any comment on the fact that these killings seem to resemble
the pattern of the original Woodsboro murders?
Hun? Later!
What was that, Sheriff?
As I was saying...my officers are hard at work.
We just want the community to know
that we are very close to bringing this whole situation under control.
Hey, someone! Get up to the top of the structure! Go! Go!
- Everyone back! Stay back! - Back, nobody move!
Jenkins, I want a man on this stairwell.
- You see anybody? - Nobody out there.
There's nobody out there, Sheriff!
- It's all under control huh, Sheriff? - But what am I supposed to say?
Listen, I may not be wearing a uniform,
but I happen to have a lead and you don't.
So let me know when you are back on Team Gale.
Move back, I'm the Sheriff.
Ok, Cinema Club, we are not in session. Welcome.
I'll tell you a little bit about ourselves.
We are a sanctioned after school activity,
one rung below the Glee club, two above Nintendo Wii Fit
and let me just say to our guest, Sidney Prescott, it's an honor.
Beyond Jamie Lee Curtis, forget Linda Blair, I mean, this is the ultimate.
Thanks, I guess. This,
Uhm... you film your entire High School experience and what, post it on the net?
Everybody will be doing it someday, Sid.
It's kind of the one component the killer is missing.
Wait, what do you mean?
Well, if you wanna be the new "new version",
...the killer should be filming the murders.
That's like the natural next step in the psycho slasher innovation.
I mean you film em all real time and then before you get caught
...you upload em into cyberspace. Making your art as immortal as you.
- Not to implicate him... - Not to implicate me...
So who do you think is behind the murders?
Well, it's a Stab fanatic, clearly.
Working on less of a Screquel and more of a Screamake.
- Copyrighted terms, by the way. - Cos all there are now are remakes.
Only horror the studios green-light.
I mean, there are still rules, but the rules have changed.
The unexpected is the new clich
Yeah, you gotta have an opening sequence that blows the doors off
done with some flashy music video direction.
And the kills gotta be way more extreme.
Modern audiences got savvy to the rules of the originals,
so the reversals become the new standard.
In fact, the only surefire way to survive a modern horror movie,
...you pretty much have to be gay.
So, why are you so sure that the killer is working by the rules of a horror remake?
Well, the original Stab structure is pretty apparent.
Two kids killed in a house while their parents are away.
And then the school's "hot chick" savaged beyond recognition.
- We all know where it goes from there... - A party.
Exactly. A party. Guaranteed third act main cast blood bath.
Fingers crossed on some nudity for a change.